I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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