We named our party play list daddy issues
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
