I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
