My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
