He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
