5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
