So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
