I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
