What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
