I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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