My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
