The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
