i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
