so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
false alarm, still single
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
