there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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