you're like a bully in the Christmas story
His hands were made for my vagina.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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