if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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