you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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