I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
