I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You ever have a fart follow you around?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
