yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
tell me about the eggs
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
