i always forget guys have bellybuttons
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
