i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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