Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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