your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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