Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
