i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
