My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
