There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
