2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
