what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I can't turn off my feet"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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