Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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