Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
