Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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