just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
