I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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