Pregnant stripper...not hot.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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