she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
