so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
