you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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