i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
