i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
