I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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