Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
