pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
