I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
