How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
