I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
