I got chris browned last night
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
