And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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