If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
