so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
