you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
