she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Acid is not a monday night drug
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
